Apophenia

September 29, 2020 12:39am

Perhaps you suffer from apophenia….a malady which attaches way too much significance to events, sights, sounds, and emotions. In others these same stimuli leave the observer unfazed while you are taken out of the world by them – there to dwell on meanings which most do not perceive. These episodes , which occur almost constantly but with varying levels of severity give you (force upon you?) a view of life that you do not chose….one of pessimism, hopelessness, tawdriness. A view that keeps you always thinking that it could have been different for all of us.

Who are the exceptional people we wished to know….or be? Those whose goodness, wisdom, and spirit gives us hope? Why are you not this person? Why do you not inspire others to the life we could have lived? This is the failure of all.

Our time is so short. There is much to learn, too much to assimilate. What knowledge is carried in the particles that make up the particles seven levels below the smallest particle we now know? At the level where matter and energy merge perhaps this knowledge is preserved even during the quadrillions of years when the universe goes dark in preparation for its rebirth. So that understanding is carried into each subsequent iteration of the universe and our story is not extinguished but reborn with the elements, suns, rock, flowers….and consciousnesses that spring to new life. Where does even this silly hope originate? Face the facts, denial is delusion. Each cycle starts with a clean slate. All that we are or seem is lost with no memory of a past that never existed. Did we ever really exist? Poor pathetic creatures that leave no record, no mark of their brief passage.