Rock Dust and Blue Sky

August 11, 2025 9:51pm

In the sun, it is over 90 degrees as I use a hammer and chisel to split rocks. I feel like Gary Cooper in “The Fountainhead” but I don’t look that good! Sweat runs down my arms until I can barely hold the slippery, heavy hammer. It is then that I realize this project has already lasted seven years and I have not laid one rock of the 50 tons piled before me. In one of our last conversations, my dad told me I’d never finish the project. My back tells me he may have been right.

Actually, the work suits me; I sink into my thoughts as I pursue my Sisyphean task. The completion may not be as important as the path. The heat, the sweat, the rock dust, the blue sky…what more is there to life?

I see a picture of a 6-year-old Palestinian girl. She is skin and bones. The Israelis are going to occupy Gaza if it means they have to kill the last Palestinian. I wonder how many of them ever think that maybe the German Socialists saw them the same way they now see the Palestinians….the only good one is a dead one. This war will never cease. Never.

I wish I could talk to Dad one more time. Ask yourself this question, “if this were the last day I could talk to my loved ones, what would I say?” Then, every once in a while, say those things.

The First Stone….

August 19, 2025 7:53am

On August 12, I laid the first stone on the rock house.

We all lay those foundation stones of our world view at an early age, don’t we?

The fragility of life and the certainty of mortality force the majority to wrap themselves in belief. Ignoring all contrary evidence, and in fact using evidence to support belief, they proceed to see what they want. I don’t criticize but only sympathize because I too want to believe – yet, I cannot. Once I was on the other side and held on to the hope deep in my heart. Then, one day, or was it a year, I knew it was all illusion designed to comfort a frightened and confused being faced with uncertainty and death.

The Specter of Questions

August 20, 2025 7:48am

Once again, in the gray light before dawn I lie in bed astounded that we are even here – that there is something rather than nothing – that in the black void before time began, matter should appear and evolve into beings whose chemicals drive them to war, greed, rape. Why did any of this happen? The ineffability of existence haunts me daily.

So why focus all my attention on this unresolvable question? Can we not also recognize beauty, love, joy and take some brief comfort? Yes, but even in that moment, the specter of the hideous crushing questions lies in wait.